Stories of Hope

Chatting with your HopeCoaches seriously brought me through some of the darkest seasons in my life. Don’t lose hope in tough times. I have used TheHopeLine several times. It was a really powerful tool that actually helped me vent out stuff that had piled up for years, and now, I am no longer experiencing the same emotional turmoil I once did. Thank you for providing free chat lines. I wanted to send you this essay, which I wrote below. So many times I’ve wanted to encourage others but haven’t been able to because I myself needed encouragement and would’ve of sounded like a hypocrite. Now, however, I am at a place where I feel I can genuinely encourage others because I have personally experienced encouragement, and hope has been reawakened within me. I wrote this essay to encourage others to don’t lose hope and just to have them feel that their trials and issues are acknowledged. I don’t know. It might not do anyone any good. But I decided to write it because it is what I truly believe, and it comes from my heart. -Jennifer I just want to take the time right now to write this short piece and encourage those who feel low. Low in joy, low in self-esteem, low in whatever else it may be. Low as in rock bottom. And rock bottom really sucks. We all go through seasons in our life, seasons of joy and seasons of sadness and trials. It is in those seasons that we learn a lot about ourselves that we never perhaps even knew before. Sure, those seasons suck, but those that make it out of their hardships come out stronger, and I believe they have a more firmly rooted identity. And no one can tell you who you are or what you went through because, guess what, you were the one that walked through the fire, not them. And you know it. But it can get pretty annoying sometimes hearing the phrase You’ll come out stronger when all you’re focusing on is just getting through each day without falling apart and letting everything go to pots. Sure, you may come out stronger, but you’re not at that place yet, and, frankly, you’re just learning how to survive. I think when people go through extremely rough times in life, what they need is not someone who will explain their situation for them and tell them how to solve it. After all, if you who are in it don’t know how to solve your problems, how much less will they? No, what people need in rough times is someone who will stand by them and listen to them. And that could be all they do. Just listen. But listening is, I think, one of the most powerful ways to make someone feel better, even if their circumstances don’t immediately change. Why? Why is listening to someone vent so powerful? It is because you are showing that you care about how they feel and what is going on in their life. Listening is, in fact, one way to show love. It is acknowledging the fact that your friends’ problems and concerns are real. We need someone who will listen to us. And just that. Nothing more. Nothing less. Well, I know by reading this small essay, you are not being listened to. In fact, you are listening to what I am saying to you through this essay. But I wrote it not because I want to tell you everything is going to be alright nor to tell you how to fix your messy life. You see, there is another powerful tool besides listening, and that is feeling understood. Being understood means having your feelings, thoughts, and emotions acknowledged out loud and not crushed or denied by those you confide in. It feels like walking down a busy grocery aisle when someone suddenly singles you out from all the people and says, Hey! I know you! It means having someone else say out loud and acknowledge what you have been dealing with internally. And that is super healthy because sometimes, in all the mess, you can feel like no one understands or maybe even that what you’re feeling is not real. But it is, and you need someone who will acknowledge that out loud and stand by you. To whoever is reading this, perhaps you stumbled upon it because the Lord is right now acknowledging that He sees your pain, and He is not ignoring you. Sometimes, we just don’t have the energy to look up to the Lord because we’re so weary with our issues. And our issues may even create mistrust and stop up our relationship with the Lord. There’s so much pain inside that it’s so hard to focus our attention on the Lord. But that’s ok because, in our weakness, He is strong. When you don’t have the strength to press on, He will be your strength. Don’t lose hope. It is so important to have people listen to you and acknowledge your pain and troubles. But I’ve found, that is not enough. Because at the end of the day, we were created to have a whole relationship with the One who created us. Honestly, I could sympathize with you and listen to you and show you I understand, but if you don’t have Him to fill you up inside, you will always feel empty and be dependent on others to make you feel happy or whole. No one can do for you in a lifetime what Jesus can do for you in one second. I can recall so many times when I felt like I was at the end of the rope, and I just cried out Jesus’ name and a moment later, I felt His love and Spirit cover me. It was so incredible because I was just calling out in desperation. I didn’t think anything would actually happen. But then, I was hit with His overpowering love. And sometimes, it would just happen without me even saying anything. It is an incredible experience that cannot be explained with words, and what is so amazing about every single one of the times is that I wasn’t even expecting that to happen. He didn’t do that because I performed some works or prayed super long. On the contrary, He did it just because He wanted to. That was it. I know Jesus wants you to experience Him in such a powerful way. And I also know there’s no formula for experiencing His power and love. In fact, sometimes, you may go through an extremely long dry season, where Jesus feels a million light-years away. But I’ve found that even in those dry seasons, what gets you through is keeping your heart soft even when you want to harden it and just grow bitter. Whether you are a believer or not, you may be going through a tough time right now. I don’t have the solution for you, but Jesus does. And even if you know Jesus, it doesn’t mean all your mess gets cleaned up, nor does it mean that your mess is less messy than that of the unbelievers. We are all people, and all people have problems. And I just want to encourage you not to lose hope. And I don’t want to sound cheesy, but seriously. Do not give up. A tragic story is only possible if giving up is involved. And I’m not saying things might end pretty. But they can end with you coming out whole and stepping into a new and better season of life. So let the fire of hope burn within you. Yes, you will get through even though that seems laughable now. Yes, you will know joy once again or maybe even for the first time. And, yes, Jesus is the answer. Don’t just read this as some religious jargon or spiel. Jesus can seriously give you peace in the midst of the storm. I know because I’ve walked through the fire, and He walked right beside me every step of the way, even when I felt like He wasn’t there.

You know probably one of the biggest reasons I never committed suicide as a teenager, was because every Sunday night at 10 p.m. I'd go to my room and turn on my radio, plug in my headphones and listen to the Dawson McAllister Hopeline Radio Show. I'd listen to all those people sharing their stories who struggle with suicide because of the way they were being treated by their families, bullied at school, grieving a loved one or experiencing a traumatic situation. It gave me a reason to live each day. So I could listen to the next show and hear from people I felt I could relate to. Even though I'm going through extreme challenges now such as being homeless with my wife and 2 kids and recovering from three back surgeries since October, I'm trying to stay strong. The adversary is always knocking at my door trying to tear me down, but I thank the Lord every day that I'm alive, recovering from injury, food in our bellies and a family homeless shelter over our heads. I'm also TRULY grateful that the Lord gave me the sign to start listening to Dawson McAllister again during these difficult times. It's made such a difference and I want to give back by praying for him and his co-host Rachel Cardinal. "Lord I ask that you watch over everyone. Watch over my family, watch over Dawson and his loved ones. Watch over Rachel and her loved ones. In Jesus' name, we pray amen!" 🙏 -Hayden A MESSAGE FROM DAWSON: I am thankful God used me to work in Hayden's life. Reading his message makes it all worth it! Our challenges in life are hard but it is where God can show himself faithful. Rachel and I are praying for Hayden's healing and for God's provision for him and his family. We thank the Lord for Hayden's faithfulness and gratefulness through his challenging times. May the Lord provide a place for them to live and meet all of their needs. We ask the Lord to fill him with hope and peace. In Jesus Name, Amen! Dear friend, like Hayden, we are also praying for you! Rachel and I would love to pray live for you about anything that is going on in your life. To find out more about getting live prayer from us, go to The Prayer Show. We offer live prayer on Facebook, YouTube and Twitter 4 times a week. You can also stream our live prayer show here. Perhaps you would also like to listen to Dawson McAllister Live which brought Hayden much comfort back in the day. You can find that here. A new show is released every Sunday. Your Friend, Dawson

Hi my name is Mike, I met this girl and I wasn't at all expecting us to be anything more than a fling. Then I fell so deeply in love with her that I couldn't believe it myself. I knew that I was likely going to get hurt, but I couldn't stop myself. It has been six years since I loved this deeply. But it's complicated. I accepted when she told me that she was with someone else. She said they probably wouldn't last so I should wait. I was suffering, but I kept smiling because of love. She never told me that she loved me until it was time for me to leave the state which was 2 and a half months after we met. I always got mad because I believed the love was one-sided and I was just hurting myself. However, when I left town, we started talking on video and she started telling me how much she loves me and all that. Then for the second time she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. I begged her not to go back to him as she did before. She promised. Maybe I expected too much because I always wanted her to confess her emotions to me, but she told me that her love for me was on and off and not constant. I've tried to leave her but my heart bleeds and burns when I try, I cannot imagine a future without her. I even got a book so I could be ready to ask her to marry me and what to expect in the marriage. I'm suffering too much emotionally and I wish that I never stepped in that room the night we met. Most of the time, I have no one around me and I just wallow in my thoughts alone. She has her friends with her, making her smile. She probably thinks less about me. After reading a story by Matt from your page at TheHopeLine.com, I now believe that whatever the outcome I will heal someday and this will all just be a memory.  Thank you for the hope you've shown my way. I pray that I heal quickly as it is the worst period of my life in many years. - Mike

I wasn't really close to God. In fact, I was far away from Him. I blocked my childhood sexual abuse memories. I was sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend for 4 years. My family believes that my mom's boyfriend is innocent, and nice. They don't believe me when I say he abused me. My family still sees me as a child. They refuse to respect me as an adult, and still cross my boundaries. Then I went to college and was sexually abused by my tutor. I felt worthless and depressed. I felt like no one believed me. I became obsessed with my tutor. He had lied to me, saying he didn't have a girlfriend, but I found out he did.  So I began constantly checking my tutor's girlfriend pictures to see how he was doing. I couldn't stop it and no matter how many times I blocked her, I kept unblocking her and seeing all the pictures of him and her together. He is a cheater and I was the other girl, the girl he raped. So my family thinks I'm confused about my mom's boyfriend with the tutor who hurt me sexually. They also believe what happened with my tutor is my fault. I was so hurt by my own family. They said they would be there for me if anything happened, but this happened and they don't believe me. They are not there for me. So in December, I wanted to kill myself. I never had the guts, but I was asking God every night to kill me because I felt so alone in this giant world. Then I thought of going to crisis hotline and I ended up coming here, to TheHopeLine.  I was looking for something that was Christian to help me rebuild and get closer to God.  As I chatted with the HopeCoach who was online helping me, I realized that I never accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord.  I was so desperate to feel better and not feel alone that I decided to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior that night and got saved!!! TheHopeLine chat is the literally the best hotline ever!!! I come here when I have some issues and it is the best! I always feel better after chatting here. Thank you!!! God bless you!! -Ericka

Hi! My name is Emilee. I've had a lot of ups and downs in my 14 years of living. Here are a few things that I've dealt with...anxiety about a friend self-harming, my Christianity, my sexuality, my mother's mental health and how it affected me and my family. I had no one to talk to and no one to hear me. No one answered my cries for help. Then I found TheHopeLine. They have an amazing team of responders who are always there for you. They have always helped me and even prayed for me. Here's one of my stories about TheHopeLine. I've been struggling with my sexuality for a long time now, I'm only 14 but I have been thinking about it for a while. I think I may be bi-sexual, and growing up in the church I was scared. I didn't know what to do being attracted to more than men. I was scared and felt hopeless. It was burrowing inside me and it felt like I was slowly sinking into quicksand. I had used TheHopeLine before, so I finally decided, maybe they can help me again. I chatted with TheHopeLine and right away I was connected to a HopeCoach. She helped me by really listening to me and asking me questions to help me think through my feelings. But then I had to leave the chat because it was late at night and I had to go to bed. The next day I connected with a different HopeCoach who pulled up the conversation from the night before so we could begin where I left off.  Again she was nothing but kind and never judged me, she just helped me think through my conflicting feelings.  At the end of the chat she prayed with me and encouraged me. I am now praying and hoping that God will give me clarity and help me. TheHopeLine has helped me so many times. I'm so grateful for this amazing group of people. If you have a problem and have no one to talk to, please don't hesitate to chat with TheHopeLine. They are a safe place to talk. I can't explain how much they've helped me and been there for me.

I finally came to a point in my life where I just couldn't handle my problems on my own any more, even with the Lord.  There's been a lot to deal with, including child abuse, severe bullying, and domestic violence. Despite several attempts at counseling in the past, things just came to a head; and I felt as if I couldn't handle the pain, confusion, and despair of it all any more.  Several weeks ago I started to seriously think of ending my life and researching for ways to do it. Yet, praise God, He somehow kept me going, mostly through worship and praise music.  After the most severe episode of suicide ideation, I felt so ashamed.  That's where TheHopeLine came in. It was a late Saturday night.  Because of the shame and confusion, I dreaded going to church the next day and needed someone to talk to.  How could I face everyone?  "Good" Christians are not supposed to have these kinds of problems, right? West, from TheHopeLine, not only addressed these concerns, but also did so much more.  She helped me, for the very first time ever, to truly believe God's love!  I told her that trying to believe in the depths of God's love always seemed to hurt so much.  I feared that if I let myself really and truly believe it, I would start crying and never stop. I had never told anyone else this before.  Yet, West was so understanding, so genuine and kind, she knew just what I needed to hear.  This person really cared!  Furthermore, she reminded me of God's truth and dispelled the lies swirling around in my head. That night with West on TheHopeLine was a turning point in my life.  Believing in God's love has given me strength and clarity to honestly face complex-PTSD and getting the help I need. At present I am waiting to get into a local residential treatment program for trauma.  It's a little scary to think about, not knowing what the future holds; but that's okay. Because of West and TheHopeLine, I can continue moving forward, remembering that depression is nothing to be ashamed of.  There's help and we are not alone! -- Kathy

I was struggling with extremely bad anxiety for a few months leading up to me reaching out to chat with TheHopeLine through the Anthem of Hope website. It was getting to the point where my mind was all over the place I felt so alone and that’s when I discovered the help and hope I needed. After contacting TheHopeLine, I was reminded by my HopeCoach that the Lord loves us no matter what...the good the bad and the ugly. I realized that I was really trying too hard to build a relationship with our Lord. My anxiety was being caused by many things, and to help overcome my struggles, I am now learning to seek Him. I am digging deeper in my Bible study time, and I'm praying intently and more often than I used to as well. Seeking God through prayer and the Bible has helped me slowly, but surely overcome my struggle with anxiety. TheHopeLine was definitely able to give me direction and hope for the future. They expressed to me the importance of seeking Him.   They reminded me that the Lord just wants to love us. We never need to be afraid to come to Him with our worries, our doubts and the things that are causing our anxiety. I also truly enjoyed TheHopeLine's eBook, Understanding Anxiety. I am so thankful for all the resources you have been emailing me as well. It makes me feel I am not alone in this journey and that you guys are truly dedicated to helping others! I am forever thankful I reached out to TheHopeLine that evening. Xoxo - Pauline

I'm Dewinsar and I'm 19. Everyday after going to school, I just sit in my room doing nothing. I wonder why I'm still going to school. No one wants me there. They hate me and said that I'm not wanted. They push me away like I'm a monster. Sometimes I can convince myself that I'm not really alive. It's like a nightmare, but I just can't wake up. I feel suicidal every day. I really hated myself because of the way I look. I've become crazy with my thoughts. Some days I cry because of the load of shame and hate. Other days I giggle without reason. My hobby is writing. I love to write so much, but now I can't write anymore. I don't know why. I'm trying, but I have a hard time focusing. I haven't written in almost 4 months. I needed someone. I really needed a friend who knows what I feel. So I found this site.  Now I know I'm not alone. I read all of your stories and they make me feel better because I'm not alone, you know? I have the same scars, like you. I have the same pain, like you. So I'm so thankful to you because you are still alive. Your stories help. -Dewinsar

My story is that for years I lived in fear because of my mom's old boyfriend. He was a jerk. But that's putting it mildly, he was horrible. He was abusive to the point he tried to kill my mom! My grandma and I tried to tell her to break up with him, but she wouldn't. He drank every day, and did drugs every day. I was so miserable and mad. I hated him so much! My grandma also hated him! Finally, my mom broke up with him, but my deep fear of him has had lasting effects. I have PTSD and so much anxiety, pretty much every day. I'm worried he will come back, and this time succeed in killing my mom, me, my dad/stepdad, my dog, and my grandma! He threatened to kill us all! Even though my mom finally got a restraining order against this jerk, I still worry every day he's going to come back. So to help me deal with all of this, I went to TheHopeLine. They helped me cope with my anxiety and PTSD and process my thoughts about this abusive guy. At TheHopeLine they are so nice! They gave me hope and love no matter what.  They are honest, kind, and helpful. TheHopeLine is the best! Thank you so much to the entire team at TheHopeLine! -David

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me and told me he had a date with some someone via text message. My son who loves him was as crushed as I was, as he felt as if he had lost a father. Through talking to a HopeCoach, we uncovered that I had been in many unhealthy relationships, even with my own parents. Not only was I relying more on people to make me happy and not myself, but my relationship with God was unhealthy and untrusting. I'm still hurting, but I know it doesn't matter if my ex comes crawling back or not. I will not be happy or be able to make anyone happy, until I am right with God again. My HopeCoach and I prayed together and although I'm still hurt, I feel hopeful knowing that I'm not alone and I never was. I was simply looking in the wrong places. -Michelle

My name is Sam and I was going through the typical divorce of parents... and yes it is common and normal but what is not normal is the pain and hurt you go through. No one prepares you for the pain you're gonna go through in life until it actually hits you. One day I had just been done. Tired with the confusion and trying to reason with why I had to get through this. I then stumbled upon TheHopeLine on google and the Lord blessed me with Donald to speak to and it was a miracle to have him help me find solutions on ways to cope with this. After we conversed we had time to reflect on how the Lord puts things in our lives and even though it may be something super hard, the Lord will never abandon us...how can we be so sure??? He tells us in the Bible! Donald and I were able to pray together and TheHopeLine and he was truly a blessing! Thank you so much, Donald and TheHopeLine! -Sam

Hello, my name is Hannah. I am a teenager, we tend to be confusing and difficult to relate with. This may be due to the fact that everyone is different, which brings the topic of self-harm, cutting, relief, or however else you may want to put it. Some people think that cutting is weird and what people who strive for attention do and others think its the only way to survive, a way to stay alive a way to feel.  For me...cutting was attention to myself.  I felt alone. Being alone is hard especially since they're billions of people who live on this planet. So whether you believe that people do this to flash their scars online or to relieve the pain that been brewing inside. Cutting is something that people do. It can be considered a tragedy or a beckoning for hope. For me my silent cries were answered by the people I thought could never understand...my parents. It was the actual hardest thing to tell both of them. The second hardest when they asked how long this had been occurring. And the saddest thing to see them crying when I showed them all the scars I had. But it was the tangible help I received that became the most amazing thing to ever come out of my "problem." My personal advice is, I know how hard it can and will be to feel alone, to feel like everyone is all set without you, but cutting is a step that you don't and shouldn't have to take. Even if your parents aren't a focal point for recovering, you have teachers, peers, TheHopeLine and even the police.  Anyone can be your reason for feeling something other than nothingness, and you don't have to ruin the only thing that you have to live in - your body. -Hannah

When I found your site I was skeptical at first, I never told anyone about my dilemma. I was scared to tell my story, but knew I needed help. Before I was even five years old my half-brother, who is ten years older than me, started abusing me. He would make me do sexual things to him and do things back to me that I didn't want. He repeatedly did things to me that were very wrong. As a little girl I was scared to tell anyone because he threatened to kill me and my mom (we shared the same father). I was so afraid of being hurt by him. When I was five, he went too far and took my virginity. When I was five! That was the line for me.  I somehow found the courage to tell my parents and he was sent to jail. I blocked the specific memories and images out of my mind until a year ago. Then suddenly the memories flooded back and I couldn't control myself. I started self-harming as a way to cope with my pain. When I found out he had been allowed out of prison, I was so scared that I tried to commit suicide. Then I found this website. I was in a lot of pain, but telling my story and not being judged by my HopeCoach, but only loved, really helped me. I'm in a better place now and I know I'm not alone. Thank you, you really helped me. -Lindsey

My Last Effort to Find a Reason to Live I was very close to committing suicide end of summer 2017. But it felt like something was holding me back. While googling how to get free help online (too scared to get actual help), I stumbled upon TheHopeLine. I was able to talk to a HopeCoach and we had a great talk. I Learned My Feelings were Valid He encouraged me to talk to my parents so they could help me find the counseling I needed for my thoughts and feelings. He planted the seed in me that my feelings were valid and that I deserved therapy.  It was a good start and got me through the night. However, I still wasn't ready to go to the doctor and into therapy. Instead, I kept my feelings inside and 2 months later I overdosed. After that my parents talked to me about getting therapy. I remembered what my HopeCoach had said and now I was ready. Today I'm getting the help I need in therapy. I wanted to thank TheHopeLine and the HopeCoach I talked to.  He helped me take the first step of admitting I need help. I wouldn't be here without TheHopeLine. So, thank you. - Lana (19 years old)