Stories of Hope
She Broke My Heart, Can I Heal Someday?
Hi my name is Mike, I met this girl and I wasn't at all expecting us to be anything more than a fling. Then I fell so deeply in love with her that I couldn't believe it myself. I knew that I was likely going to get hurt, but I couldn't stop myself. It has been six years since I loved this deeply. But it's complicated. I accepted when she told me that she was with someone else. She said they probably wouldn't last so I should wait. I was suffering, but I kept smiling because of love. She never told me that she loved me until it was time for me to leave the state which was 2 and a half months after we met. I always got mad because I believed the love was one-sided and I was just hurting myself. However, when I left town, we started talking on video and she started telling me how much she loves me and all that. Then for the second time she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. I begged her not to go back to him as she did before. She promised. Maybe I expected too much because I always wanted her to confess her emotions to me, but she told me that her love for me was on and off and not constant. I've tried to leave her but my heart bleeds and burns when I try, I cannot imagine a future without her. I even got a book so I could be ready to ask her to marry me and what to expect in the marriage. I'm suffering too much emotionally and I wish that I never stepped in that room the night we met. Most of the time, I have no one around me and I just wallow in my thoughts alone. She has her friends with her, making her smile. She probably thinks less about me. After reading a story by Matt from your page at TheHopeLine.com, I now believe that whatever the outcome I will heal someday and this will all just be a memory. Thank you for the hope you've shown my way. I pray that I heal quickly as it is the worst period of my life in many years. - Mike
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Sexual Abuse and Suicidal: They Didn’t Believe Me
I wasn't really close to God. In fact, I was far away from Him. I blocked my childhood sexual abuse memories. I was sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend for 4 years. My family believes that my mom's boyfriend is innocent, and nice. They don't believe me when I say he abused me. My family still sees me as a child. They refuse to respect me as an adult, and still cross my boundaries. Then I went to college and was sexually abused by my tutor. I felt worthless and depressed. I felt like no one believed me. I became obsessed with my tutor. He had lied to me, saying he didn't have a girlfriend, but I found out he did. So I began constantly checking my tutor's girlfriend pictures to see how he was doing. I couldn't stop it and no matter how many times I blocked her, I kept unblocking her and seeing all the pictures of him and her together. He is a cheater and I was the other girl, the girl he raped. So my family thinks I'm confused about my mom's boyfriend with the tutor who hurt me sexually. They also believe what happened with my tutor is my fault. I was so hurt by my own family. They said they would be there for me if anything happened, but this happened and they don't believe me. They are not there for me. So in December, I wanted to kill myself. I never had the guts, but I was asking God every night to kill me because I felt so alone in this giant world. Then I thought of going to crisis hotline and I ended up coming here, to TheHopeLine. I was looking for something that was Christian to help me rebuild and get closer to God. As I chatted with the HopeCoach who was online helping me, I realized that I never accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. I was so desperate to feel better and not feel alone that I decided to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior that night and got saved!!! TheHopeLine chat is the literally the best hotline ever!!! I come here when I have some issues and it is the best! I always feel better after chatting here. Thank you!!! God bless you!! -Ericka
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Conflicted Feelings About My Sexuality
Hi! My name is Emilee. I've had a lot of ups and downs in my 14 years of living. Here are a few things that I've dealt with...anxiety about a friend self-harming, my Christianity, my sexuality, my mother's mental health and how it affected me and my family. I had no one to talk to and no one to hear me. No one answered my cries for help. Then I found TheHopeLine. They have an amazing team of responders who are always there for you. They have always helped me and even prayed for me. Here's one of my stories about TheHopeLine. I've been struggling with my sexuality for a long time now, I'm only 14 but I have been thinking about it for a while. I think I may be bi-sexual, and growing up in the church I was scared. I didn't know what to do being attracted to more than men. I was scared and felt hopeless. It was burrowing inside me and it felt like I was slowly sinking into quicksand. I had used TheHopeLine before, so I finally decided, maybe they can help me again. I chatted with TheHopeLine and right away I was connected to a HopeCoach. She helped me by really listening to me and asking me questions to help me think through my feelings. But then I had to leave the chat because it was late at night and I had to go to bed. The next day I connected with a different HopeCoach who pulled up the conversation from the night before so we could begin where I left off. Again she was nothing but kind and never judged me, she just helped me think through my conflicting feelings. At the end of the chat she prayed with me and encouraged me. I am now praying and hoping that God will give me clarity and help me. TheHopeLine has helped me so many times. I'm so grateful for this amazing group of people. If you have a problem and have no one to talk to, please don't hesitate to chat with TheHopeLine. They are a safe place to talk. I can't explain how much they've helped me and been there for me.
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Suicidal Thoughts to Accepting God’s Love
I finally came to a point in my life where I just couldn't handle my problems on my own any more, even with the Lord. There's been a lot to deal with, including child abuse, severe bullying, and domestic violence. Despite several attempts at counseling in the past, things just came to a head; and I felt as if I couldn't handle the pain, confusion, and despair of it all any more. Several weeks ago I started to seriously think of ending my life and researching for ways to do it. Yet, praise God, He somehow kept me going, mostly through worship and praise music. After the most severe episode of suicide ideation, I felt so ashamed. That's where TheHopeLine came in. It was a late Saturday night. Because of the shame and confusion, I dreaded going to church the next day and needed someone to talk to. How could I face everyone? "Good" Christians are not supposed to have these kinds of problems, right? West, from TheHopeLine, not only addressed these concerns, but also did so much more. She helped me, for the very first time ever, to truly believe God's love! I told her that trying to believe in the depths of God's love always seemed to hurt so much. I feared that if I let myself really and truly believe it, I would start crying and never stop. I had never told anyone else this before. Yet, West was so understanding, so genuine and kind, she knew just what I needed to hear. This person really cared! Furthermore, she reminded me of God's truth and dispelled the lies swirling around in my head. That night with West on TheHopeLine was a turning point in my life. Believing in God's love has given me strength and clarity to honestly face complex-PTSD and getting the help I need. At present I am waiting to get into a local residential treatment program for trauma. It's a little scary to think about, not knowing what the future holds; but that's okay. Because of West and TheHopeLine, I can continue moving forward, remembering that depression is nothing to be ashamed of. There's help and we are not alone! -- Kathy
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Releasing My Fears and Anxiety
I was struggling with extremely bad anxiety for a few months leading up to me reaching out to chat with TheHopeLine through the Anthem of Hope website. It was getting to the point where my mind was all over the place I felt so alone and that’s when I discovered the help and hope I needed. After contacting TheHopeLine, I was reminded by my HopeCoach that the Lord loves us no matter what...the good the bad and the ugly. I realized that I was really trying too hard to build a relationship with our Lord. My anxiety was being caused by many things, and to help overcome my struggles, I am now learning to seek Him. I am digging deeper in my Bible study time, and I'm praying intently and more often than I used to as well. Seeking God through prayer and the Bible has helped me slowly, but surely overcome my struggle with anxiety. TheHopeLine was definitely able to give me direction and hope for the future. They expressed to me the importance of seeking Him. They reminded me that the Lord just wants to love us. We never need to be afraid to come to Him with our worries, our doubts and the things that are causing our anxiety. I also truly enjoyed TheHopeLine's eBook, Understanding Anxiety. I am so thankful for all the resources you have been emailing me as well. It makes me feel I am not alone in this journey and that you guys are truly dedicated to helping others! I am forever thankful I reached out to TheHopeLine that evening. Xoxo - Pauline
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Bullying: They Hated Me So I Hated Myself
I'm Dewinsar and I'm 19. Everyday after going to school, I just sit in my room doing nothing. I wonder why I'm still going to school. No one wants me there. They hate me and said that I'm not wanted. They push me away like I'm a monster. Sometimes I can convince myself that I'm not really alive. It's like a nightmare, but I just can't wake up. I feel suicidal every day. I really hated myself because of the way I look. I've become crazy with my thoughts. Some days I cry because of the load of shame and hate. Other days I giggle without reason. My hobby is writing. I love to write so much, but now I can't write anymore. I don't know why. I'm trying, but I have a hard time focusing. I haven't written in almost 4 months. I needed someone. I really needed a friend who knows what I feel. So I found this site. Now I know I'm not alone. I read all of your stories and they make me feel better because I'm not alone, you know? I have the same scars, like you. I have the same pain, like you. So I'm so thankful to you because you are still alive. Your stories help. -Dewinsar
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PTSD and Anxiety: My Mom’s Boyfriend Was Abusive
My story is that for years I lived in fear because of my mom's old boyfriend. He was a jerk. But that's putting it mildly, he was horrible. He was abusive to the point he tried to kill my mom! My grandma and I tried to tell her to break up with him, but she wouldn't. He drank every day, and did drugs every day. I was so miserable and mad. I hated him so much! My grandma also hated him! Finally, my mom broke up with him, but my deep fear of him has had lasting effects. I have PTSD and so much anxiety, pretty much every day. I'm worried he will come back, and this time succeed in killing my mom, me, my dad/stepdad, my dog, and my grandma! He threatened to kill us all! Even though my mom finally got a restraining order against this jerk, I still worry every day he's going to come back. So to help me deal with all of this, I went to TheHopeLine. They helped me cope with my anxiety and PTSD and process my thoughts about this abusive guy. At TheHopeLine they are so nice! They gave me hope and love no matter what. They are honest, kind, and helpful. TheHopeLine is the best! Thank you so much to the entire team at TheHopeLine! -David
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Bad Breakup and Unhealthy Relationships
My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me and told me he had a date with some someone via text message. My son who loves him was as crushed as I was, as he felt as if he had lost a father. Through talking to a HopeCoach, we uncovered that I had been in many unhealthy relationships, even with my own parents. Not only was I relying more on people to make me happy and not myself, but my relationship with God was unhealthy and untrusting. I'm still hurting, but I know it doesn't matter if my ex comes crawling back or not. I will not be happy or be able to make anyone happy, until I am right with God again. My HopeCoach and I prayed together and although I'm still hurt, I feel hopeful knowing that I'm not alone and I never was. I was simply looking in the wrong places. -Michelle
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Had It with My Parent’s Divorce and Googled for Help
My name is Sam and I was going through the typical divorce of parents... and yes it is common and normal but what is not normal is the pain and hurt you go through. No one prepares you for the pain you're gonna go through in life until it actually hits you. One day I had just been done. Tired with the confusion and trying to reason with why I had to get through this. I then stumbled upon TheHopeLine on google and the Lord blessed me with Donald to speak to and it was a miracle to have him help me find solutions on ways to cope with this. After we conversed we had time to reflect on how the Lord puts things in our lives and even though it may be something super hard, the Lord will never abandon us...how can we be so sure??? He tells us in the Bible! Donald and I were able to pray together and TheHopeLine and he was truly a blessing! Thank you so much, Donald and TheHopeLine! -Sam
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Struggling with Self-Harm: Finding Hope and Help
Hello, my name is Hannah. I am a teenager, we tend to be confusing and difficult to relate with. This may be due to the fact that everyone is different, which brings the topic of self-harm, cutting, relief, or however else you may want to put it. Some people think that cutting is weird and what people who strive for attention do and others think its the only way to survive, a way to stay alive a way to feel. For me...cutting was attention to myself. I felt alone. Being alone is hard especially since they're billions of people who live on this planet. So whether you believe that people do this to flash their scars online or to relieve the pain that been brewing inside. Cutting is something that people do. It can be considered a tragedy or a beckoning for hope. For me my silent cries were answered by the people I thought could never understand...my parents. It was the actual hardest thing to tell both of them. The second hardest when they asked how long this had been occurring. And the saddest thing to see them crying when I showed them all the scars I had. But it was the tangible help I received that became the most amazing thing to ever come out of my "problem." My personal advice is, I know how hard it can and will be to feel alone, to feel like everyone is all set without you, but cutting is a step that you don't and shouldn't have to take. Even if your parents aren't a focal point for recovering, you have teachers, peers, TheHopeLine and even the police. Anyone can be your reason for feeling something other than nothingness, and you don't have to ruin the only thing that you have to live in - your body. -Hannah
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Sexual Abuse: Scared to Tell My Story
When I found your site I was skeptical at first, I never told anyone about my dilemma. I was scared to tell my story, but knew I needed help. Before I was even five years old my half-brother, who is ten years older than me, started abusing me. He would make me do sexual things to him and do things back to me that I didn't want. He repeatedly did things to me that were very wrong. As a little girl I was scared to tell anyone because he threatened to kill me and my mom (we shared the same father). I was so afraid of being hurt by him. When I was five, he went too far and took my virginity. When I was five! That was the line for me. I somehow found the courage to tell my parents and he was sent to jail. I blocked the specific memories and images out of my mind until a year ago. Then suddenly the memories flooded back and I couldn't control myself. I started self-harming as a way to cope with my pain. When I found out he had been allowed out of prison, I was so scared that I tried to commit suicide. Then I found this website. I was in a lot of pain, but telling my story and not being judged by my HopeCoach, but only loved, really helped me. I'm in a better place now and I know I'm not alone. Thank you, you really helped me. -Lindsey
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I Now Have a Reason to Live
My Last Effort to Find a Reason to Live I was very close to committing suicide end of summer 2017. But it felt like something was holding me back. While googling how to get free help online (too scared to get actual help), I stumbled upon TheHopeLine. I was able to talk to a HopeCoach and we had a great talk. I Learned My Feelings were Valid He encouraged me to talk to my parents so they could help me find the counseling I needed for my thoughts and feelings. He planted the seed in me that my feelings were valid and that I deserved therapy. It was a good start and got me through the night. However, I still wasn't ready to go to the doctor and into therapy. Instead, I kept my feelings inside and 2 months later I overdosed. After that my parents talked to me about getting therapy. I remembered what my HopeCoach had said and now I was ready. Today I'm getting the help I need in therapy. I wanted to thank TheHopeLine and the HopeCoach I talked to. He helped me take the first step of admitting I need help. I wouldn't be here without TheHopeLine. So, thank you. - Lana (19 years old)
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Abandoned: My Life Now Has Hope
Felt It Was My Fault My Dad Left When my dad left 5 years ago, I started feeling like it was my fault that he left. I have been feeling like this for a long time. These feelings led to depression and anxiety. Abandoned Again Then I started feeling really happy two years ago, when I had a teacher that really understood what I was going through. She made me feel really special and my anxiety and depression started getting better. But 2 months before school ended, she left without saying good-bye to anyone. That really hurt and once again I felt like it was my fault she left. So I started cutting and getting depressed again. God Rescued Me I was baptized this year and I feel like my life is starting to get way better now that I’m a Christian. A lot of my mood swings have been really good too, even if I do feel anxious about my past, I know God is bringing about positive change in my life. I moved to a new school this year and it has been really good meeting new people and make new memories. God is helping me to live a better life. I am less anxious and depressed. Thank you Lee for talking to me on TheHopeLine. I really appreciate it! -Jackson
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Abuse: Red Flags, but Married Him Anyway
Before I married my husband, I lost someone who was my everything. He passed away, and I never coped with his loss. I just wanted someone to love me and fill that spot in my heart. And that's where my husband comes in. He made me feel loved for a few days. I got married at 21 years-old. However, our relationship was never stable. We were always on again/off again. In our relationship, I have gone through physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. I thought I was really in love, but the abuse started after I told him I was really falling for him. We broke up got back together and broke and back together for a year this went on. I decided to quit drinking and I quit doing drugs for him by then we were engaged. We married and nothing changed. He cheated with my used-to-be BFF from high school. This has taken a huge toll on me emotionally. So today on our 2nd anniversary I decided "no more!" I was having thoughts of suicide and self-harm. But I didn't really want that, so I searched online to talk to someone. I chatted with a HopeCoach who was able to hear me out on everything I'm going through. I signed up for an e-mail mentor to help me cope with my divorce. So the journey begins. Trust me I'm scared and in a way excited to get through this with TheHopeLine's help. Thank you for Hope. -Jewel
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Dealing with Depression: TheHopeLine Saved My Life
I have been dealing with depression for eleven years. My sister passed away and my life changed completely. Then my Aunt passed away from suicide. Then on my Aunt's birthday, my grandmother died, of old age. I was abused by my father. My parents divorced, and my mom found a really cool guy who became my step-dad. I loved him until he started putting me down, shoving me out of the house, getting so close to me when he yelled he would spit on me. I have been bullied at school to the point where I'm afraid to be myself and talk to anyone because of fear of being laughed at. I have a really bad life here. And I have attempted suicide three times already. But I came to TheHopeLine. My Coach talked to me and listened to me. I had been so scared to talk, but here I was safe. I am so glad because I had my pistol ready. Thank you so much. If you are also going through a lot, don't give up. There is hope. - Izzy Sometimes life seems filled with such pain, sadness, and hurt that we think we can't handle it anymore. Our minds convince us life will always be this hard and will never get better. But we are here to tell you that while we fully understand how impossible things may seem, don't give up. Life can get better. If Izzy can walk away with hope, so can you. But you need to want the help. You need to decide you are worth fighting for. We believe you are worth it and so does God. If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help.
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